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Fighting Darkness

December 12, 2011 Leave a comment

The winter solstice is now 10 days away. I’m struggling badly this year with the sense of being surrounded by darkness.

To try to do something a bit indulgent but positive yesterday, I did some cooking. The first bit of cooking was making some cornbread, and I ate a piece of that along with some roast beef, potatoes, carrots and gravy I had made in the crockpot back on Friday. Then after I had finished my early lunch, I then prepared some stuffing to use with a chicken I had bought in the morning. I used the giblets, onions, celery and mushrooms, then added the leftover cornbread to the pan. Once it was thoroughly heated up, then I put it into the refrigerator.

When the time came later in the afternoon, I stuffed the chicken with the dressing and began roasting it in the oven.  The smell of the chicken and stuffing cooking was very good.

When the chicken began approaching its time to remove from the oven, I then worked on preparing mashed potatoes and peas.  After the chicken had been removed and there was time in between carving the chicken and mashing the potatoes, I used the drippings in the pan to make gravy. So with that, ended up with a pretty full meal of roast chicken, stuffing, mashed potatoes with gravy and peas.

Now I’ve got plenty of leftovers to put together lunches and dinners for the next couple of days. Then whatever chicken I have left on Wednesday might get put into some sort of soup or stew-like concoction.

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Over the weekend, I decided it was about time again to get the wax buildup out of my ears. My ears have always been prone to producing and collecting wax. I remember lots of times having the doctor going in and carefully digging out the wax plugs that would form in my ears. But nowadays, I’ve found good success with using Murine ear drops, although the pattern has been it takes a few hours in the evenings to get the plugs expelled, through repeated applications of the drops followed by using the bulb to irrigate the canals. Saturday morning, though, I got the idea of putting the ear drops in before going into the shower. Then after a decent amount of time in the shower, I first removed the wadded up tissue in my left ear that I had used to keep the drops in and then filled up the bulb with water. The first squirt of water resulted in water getting trapped behind the plug and against the ear drum. The second squirt didn’t change that, but the third squirt worked and the plug dropped to the shower floor. The right ear also went down in a few squirts and my ears were clear of the wax plugs.

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My understanding of Esperanto continues to get better. I try do some reading of it every day. In the car, I mostly listen to Radio Verda podcasts, and I notice that as I replay through them, I tend to understand the stories better each time.  I don’t have full understanding yet, but I’m getting closer. Also right now, before I go to sleep, I will listen to the reading of Alice in Wonderland aŭ La Aventuroj de Alicio en Mirlando.

I think I’m at a point now where if I were to meet up with someone who is capable to speaking in Esperanto, I could understand a good deal of what’s being said. I would probably be a bit slow at producing replies, but I could do a decent job. Although I’m still a good distance away from being comfortable at speaking and thinking in Esperanto.

The bottom of darkness

December 1, 2011 Leave a comment

We’re now 3 weeks away from the winter solstice here in the Northern hemisphere.  It sometimes feels like living in cave. Wake up when it’s dark, leave work as it’s getting dark. Even when I do get outside in the sunshine, it doesn’t feel all that substantial, the sun sits low in the sky and there’s likely to at least be a chill in the air and it will likely keep getting colder for some time now.

I have, for the most part, been sleeping better. At least my dreams seem to have dropped in intensity. I’m having fewer prolonged middle of the night wakeups, but maybe it’s just because I’m so weary I could fall asleep again after most anything.

I feel rather disconnected whenever talking with anyone else. It feels like there’s this impossibility of communication somehow, that it’s impossible to convey anything. I end up wondering whether anybody ever actually communicates with another person. Maybe it’s all illusion, an illusion that people convince themselves of because it’s otherwise a peak into a reality that’s nearly madness. But that’s ridiculous and I know that, but that doesn’t mean I can consciously direct my feelings to behave themselves. The feelings are just there.